I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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