I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
