The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
