Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
