im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
