Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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