I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
