do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
how drunk are you?
Several
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
