I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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