I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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