is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
