1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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