Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize