The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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