I need help removing her.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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