Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
