Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
