And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
