Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
