we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
