Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
