haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize