I think my vagina is haunted
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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