i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
