we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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