sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
