omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
