Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
