exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
