I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
