put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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