Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
