If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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