I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
