I skipped work to stalk him.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
