I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
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