yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize