I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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