go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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