I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We are two peas in an std pod
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
