I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
