it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
