Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize