brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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