Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
