sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
