Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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