Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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