The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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