hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
