she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
