you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
