I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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