how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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