I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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