hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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