Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
