she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
