I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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