The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
