i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
