did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is it because I queefed?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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