I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
