Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize