I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
