I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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